Dear Amma, I’m gay, and I recently started dating a classmate. We plan on having sex, but I feel scared and insecure. He is my first boyfriend, and I don’t want anything to go wrong while we have sex. Help me, Amma!
Dear Idli, congratulations on coming out to the world.
Amma knows that it is a big step which requires loads and loads of courage. I am glad you have embraced your identity, vada. Munchkin, I want you to know that sexuality is fluid. You have an ocean that awaits you, there is so much about sexuality and desire that you will explore. It will be a beautiful journey – there will be times where you will get hurt, your expectations might not be met, you might even embarrass yourself in front of your partner, but my appam, it is how you will grow.
You will learn what you like, and don’t like, through these experiences. Don’t restrain yourself. The first time can be intimidating but it doesn’t have to be ‘perfect’. Now, Idli, always use condoms if you’re hooking up with a person with a penis, and dental dams if it is a person with a vagina. Make sure you use loads and loads of lube if you’re planning on penetration.
Ask your partner what they like and don’t like. Lay down your boundaries, use safe-words. Your Amma is telling you, consent is sexy! Ask your partner if they like what you are doing. You never know where foreplay could lead you, and if you plan on exploring something a little kinkier, tell them about it! Munchkin, remember sexual health is important, too. Always pee after sex to prevent the risk of getting urinary tract infections and get tested every three months for sexually transmitted diseases.
While Amma understands that it might be hard to find queer-friendly doctors, but please get tested for HIV-AIDS as well, and ask about the HPV vaccine. Remember, my vada, sex is what you define it as, not how the world defines it for you. Now go out and get it!
(Write to Sex Amma at [email protected] to get all your queries about sex answered.)