Providing guidance to the students of DU since 2008 on matters of sex, dating, and intimacy, Amma is back again this week with her dose of advice.
My partner does not care about global politics and conflicts. They believe thinking and caring are a luxury. How should I cope with this?
My dear Idli,
Understandably, you wish your partner cared about things that you care about. I see why they feel that caring about politics is a luxury—being able to actively think and debate about politics requires not just a level of education and access to information, but also stability in one’s basic needs. Many believe it doesn’t matter anyway, and that worrying about issues beyond their control is a wild goose chase, since they cannot change the circumstances in the world around them. Today, politics has become so polarised that these debates often only dissolve into empty rhetoric, personal attacks and acrimony between individuals. This lack of tolerance of opposing views is what makes these discussions seem futile, making people turn away and focus instead on more important things in their life, like family, friends and career, or just keeping themselves happy, and enjoying life. Well, added to this is a sense of disillusionment, that no matter who the sattadhaari is, their promises will always flop.
But my dear appam, what you must also know is that the opposite is quite true as well—truer still. Not caring about politics and conflicts around the world is itself a luxury. For many, politics is not a choice; it governs their lives, their rights, their well-being or even something as fundamental as their rights over their own bodies. We can choose to ignore the suffering of others, because of our privileged position in the society, where issues of poverty, sexism, casteism, climate change and other injustices don’t directly affect us; where we are not at the receiving end of oppression and marginalisation. In reality, everything is political—from the food you eat to the clothes you wear and to the media that you consume. So, one cannot be truly detached from politics, only blissfully oblivious. Political apathy is also dangerous. When you deliberately opt out of politics, let’s say, by choosing not to vote because you believe that your single vote does not matter at the end of the day, even while acknowledging that the system is flawed, you are actually turning your back on vulnerable groups, thereby reinforcing the status quo and pushing them towards a position of even greater disadvantage. Why let your voice go to waste when democracy and your position in society have given you both the right and privilege to speak and to create a more just, equitable and kind future? And Chikki, once you start paying attention, there’s no going back—your partner, too, would eventually realise that.
See, politics is important—even in a romantic relationship. A person’s political stance reveals a lot about them as a human being. Simply put, it is a mirror of their values, which will ultimately shape how they treat you in the relationship as well. Therefore, in my opinion, it is essential that you agree upon certain non-negotiable values. You cannot force your partner to think exactly like you or hold the same views as you, so respect differences. Communicate openly, give each other space and agree to disagree. However, you cannot agree to disagree on the non-negotiables—your core values. Protecting your peace and preserving your relationship should not come at the cost of giving up your values, for that will eventually only breed rancour between the two of you. Instead, hold on to what has shaped your identity, guided your decisions, and given your life meaning over these years. Staying true to these values will not only strengthen you, but also your relationship by bringing honesty and creating a space for deeper respect and understanding between the two of you.
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