Providing guidance to the students of DU since 2008 on matters of sex, dating and intimacy, Amma is back again this week with her dose of advice.
Question: Amma, can I find a true friend who can at least be with me in my bad times on the dating apps?
Oh dear kanna!
Your amma sends you the tightest jhappis to let you know that this bad phase is not only completely normal, but will also be over before you know it. I have had my fair share of situationships as you call them, so trust me when I say this kutty, bumping into your perfect other half is nothing like those 2-hour rom-coms your generation loves. I can only imagine the dating app fatigue you bachhas encounter from constantly swiping idhar-udhar to choose from so many sweet potatoes.
While a little break from these apps won’t hurt, a good friend could also be exactly what you need right now. Don’t forget what the savants have said my macchi, a problem shared is a problem halved. A failed romantic period is inevitable, but having somebody by your side might help you find a break in the clouds amidst the evident darkness. Complaining (ranting, as you call it?) about your broken heart to a friend over an hour-long call or watching your best-loved movie with them instead of asking 10 other people theirs is only going to bring you kids closer together. In my day, a failed romance meant your friends treating you to the most heavenly kebabs at Karim’s. Maybe this is what you need, my precious. And aren’t the worst problems easier to swallow with a spoonful of gajar ka halwa?
But while their presence will certainly bring a difference, you also need to be mindful of their boundaries, my love. As frustrating as this period is for you, your friend might also be feeling emotionally spent by the whole ordeal. With you spending so much time on these boxes on your phone, could it be possible that you started neglecting them a little bit? Maybe they miss the time. when you danced to clichéd songs or went eating steaming momos together.
You know, amma has learned that we humans are not as good at intuiting others’ feelings as we boast of, so why not talk to them? Your friendships won’t be reciprocal always, so it is okay to want and give some space my kanna, but keep the ones you love around. They might not be able to make your frustration disappear, but presence does matter, haina baccha? So keep being your perfect pumpkin pie-self and you will find what you are looking for!
Lots of love,
Amma
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