Providing guidance to the students of DU since 2008 on matters of sex, dating and intimacy, Amma is back again this week with her dose of advice.
Question: Amma, I a proud gay person and I love my partner but my best friend is a little uncomfortable with it. How do I navigate such a relationship?
My dearest bacha, I’m sure you already know (but your amma will still say it just to make sure) that your identity is your own and no one else’s. Be it your sexuality or your personality or any of the other “-itys,” the only opinion that matters is yours. Not even amma and her advice should change that (however wise I might be).
I know all you new kids pretend to be oh-so-cool with your lack of need for validation and disdain for our old traditions but don’t think that amma doesn’t know that you are only playing pretend. Arre did the need for love and acceptance vanish in one generation?! In this cruel world, kanna, it warms my heart to know that you have. found someone you love and someone who loves you (if they don’t, lord save that khotya from amma), but throughout this life, you are going to meet so many more. people-people with all sorts of baggage.
Fikr not, there will be people who will love you unconditionally, but kutty, there will also be people who will come into your life, carrying in hand their lengthy terms and conditions. They might not always talk about them but you will come to feel them in their stares and their discomfort.
Amma knows it is easier said than done but bacha remember, you do not owe them any explanations. Remember that not everyone deserves to know you or be a part of your life. Remember that you do not need to hide away any piece of you to make yourself acceptable to anyone.
Maybe, bacha, some people come into our lives only to test our resilience and our stubbornness. Maybe it is time to say goodbye (or at least create some distance) to such a relationship that weighs on your mind, and weighs you down. Sometimes. one door closes, not to open another, but simply because it needed to be closed.
Maybe kanna this is one of those times.
With love,
Amma
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