BAZINGA: DU Makes Clearing Dope Test Mandatory to get Admit Card

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Kunal has been sober for two days now. He has begun to identify things and people around him. The hazy pictures that used to form on his nearly-damaged retina, have assumed, all of a sudden, a 4K definition. He now remembers things,  breathes in fresher air (although that is a rare finding in Delhi), uses ice only to cool his soft drinks and paper only to wrap his chicken rolls in. All of this has happened because of one ruling. One sheet of paper has apparently changed his life.

Getting admit cards embodies a joy in itself. The sudden realisation of the fact that it is that time of the year when you begin to regret each and every jubilation you were a part of, that time you regret each and every puff of smoke and sip of that luxurious cocktail that you had in that fancy pub. Earlier, this used to be a metaphoric manifestation. However, this semester onwards, the University of Delhi has been gracious enough to make things even more tough for survival.

Short attendance may be handled through some politically active ‘bhaiyyas’ arranging for an affidavit. But the varsity has recently made the passing of dope tests a mandatory requirement for all students in order to lay their hands on their crisp black and white admission ticket. It is now compulsory to not only appear for dope tests but also to pass them with flying colours.

The decision comes after Ms. Anoushka S., an activist filed a PIL with the Honorable Court of University Justice, citing the bad effects that alcohol and drugs have on their health as well as lifestyle. Justice Gaitonde, the judge adjudicating over the case, says “As a student, I never got the time or the opportunity to experience what all of this feels like. When Ms Anoushka put in the PIL, it hit my wildest insecurities. Therefore, I decided to deliver an unbiased verdict in the matter, and hence, the ban.”

The verdict has received mix response from the students. It is estimated that around 39 percent of the student body shall be bereft of their admit cards due to this ban.

Note: DU Beat or the author does not, in any way, encourage or support the consumption of narcotics, and shall not be liable in any way for the same.

Disclaimer: Bazinga is our weekly column of almost believable fake news. It is only meant to be appreciated, not accepted.

Feature Image Credits: The Evening Standard

Aashish Jain

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