Providing guidance to the students of DU since 2008 on matters of sex, dating and intimacy, Amma is back again this week with her dose of advice.
Question: Amma, I want to break up with my partner due to certain circumstantial reasons. I do not want to hurt them, but we cannot be together. How should I go ahead with this?
Dearest Payasam,
‘Ends can be painful’, but they can be more tolerable with acceptance and clarity of your emotions in your head. Sadly, we are all aware that rarely does falling in love get us far, but in the moment, everything looks so flowery that we forget about the bitter end, which was perhaps looming there all along.
So, dearest Kanna, now listen carefully to your Amma. No matter how hard you try, breaking up involves inevitable pain. Firstly, be clear about the reasons why you want to break up with them. Have that
clarity in your head before you sit down to communicate about your feelings.
Deciding when and where to end things is very important. Choose the right time when you both feel comfortable and select an indoor, private space to talk. During the conversation, if things get heated and an argument starts, try your best to not lose your calm, even if the person reacts poorly.
Careful! Don’t commit the mistake of breaking up over a text message. Preferably, have this conversation in person. This will ensure a better way for both of you to have this difficult conversation. Remember, Kanna, you are not superior for initiating the breakup. Respect is integral; do not badmouth your ex-partner and avoid letting your emotions run rampant.
Amma knows that the most difficult part is the aftermath. Give each other ample space to think and reflect. You may cut off communication, by all means, to truly realize and come to peace with your emotions for them. Take care of your mental health. Remember to share your feelings with someone you trust, maybe a friend, a family member, or your therapist.
Kanna, you must understand that if you have decided to take this step, you must hold your ground, even if they try to blame you for certain things. It is not your responsibility to make the other person feel better once it’s done. Accepting and moving on is the final step. You have done your part; now it is destiny that will play its role, Good luck with your life ahead!
Lots of love,
Amma
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