Providing guidance to the students of DU since 2008 on matters of sex, dating and intimacy, Amma is back again this week with her dose of advice.
Question: Amma, My partner and I are both non-monogamous and have been discussing the idea of an open relationship as we become more serious about each other, but everyone says that this is just an excuse for cheating. I like the idea of non-monogamy, but am I wrong?
My dear bachcha,
Firstly, it’s important to understand that what anyone else has to say about your relationship does not define it, what comes first are the priorities of you and your partner. I’d say it’s an oversimplification to think of non-monogamy as just an “excuse for cheating.” It is in fact so much more, as it is based on consent, communication, and mutual agreement by everyone involved.
While in your Amma‘s time, it was believed that our one true soulmate fulfills all our needs, which often meant some degree of compromise and sacrifice, it’s also not wrong to want to see other people who may satisfy certain different needs of ours, while being in a relationship with someone. It is unrealistic to expect Amma someone to fulfill all our desires and needs. Such unhealthy expectations may
However, this is easier said than done. The foundation to sustain a non-monogamous relationship must be strong. Remember, you must be secure in your bond and trust your partner, otherwise, you’ll always be filled with jealousy and resentment. This is a cliche, but communication is the key. Set boundaries with your partner about who you two can see and how aware you want to be of your partner’s other romantic relationships. These are a few choices you’d have to make. Make it a point to discuss any feelings of jealousy and resentment when they arise, so that you can work through them together, without falling into the trap of latent anger or passive-aggression.
in the end, kanna, non-monogamy done. ethically is a matter of consent from all parties involved, while cheating is a matter of deceit and betrayal. The former is a way to have the freedom to explore other joyful connections that bring us love while also having one that satisfies, whilst providing comfort and security. If you think your relationship is strong enough, then go ahead despite what anyone says. Remember, baccha, matters of the heart must only make sense to us and the one(s) we love; what works for most, may not make you happy. Love is complicated and has no rules. Love honestly, truthfully, and the more you shall receive.
Dher saara pyaar,
Amma.
Comments are closed.