1. Bunk College, dull family functions, the birthday parties of people you don’t like etc. If they love you, your parents can’t force you to go to a place where there’s a risk that their delicate darling might contract a deadly disease, can they?

  2. Go to Tibet and join a monastery: you’ll avoid contracting any disease and there’s a chance you might achieve enlightenment – which is a lot more than can be said for the early morning Economic History of India lecture.

  3. Buy a mask – this might make you uncomfortable and hot but you’ll avoid having to spend a week at home with diarrhea and it’ll make it easier for you to rob a bank.

  4. Go to the Bahamas for a holiday. Your dad makes too much money anyway.

  5. Pretend to have swine flu and stay at home – your annoying relatives and neighbours will avoid you. Freely surf the net and watch the kind of depraved videos you normally wouldn’t for fear of your parents sticking their heads into the room.