UPBEAT DOWNBEAT

By Olina Banerjee

UPBEAT:

ASI plans to give the Taj Mahal a Multani-Mitti face-lift

Thatâ€s not nearly as fun as Mayawatiâ€s Shopping mall. Damn!

Spider manâ€s marriage annulled after twenty years

Thatâ€s only good news as long as that means we wonâ€t have to put up with a red haired, nasal Kirsten Dunst in the next Spiderman movie.

Clowns universally hated by children, says survey

You donâ€t say. Who likes grinning idiots anyway? Oh wait….America does.

A US biotech firm has announced a genetic test kit that can predict the likelihood of baldness in men

Well thatâ€s brilliant! Couples can now plan their mid-life crises years in advance.

One in twelve US combat troops suffer from trauma

…. And not one of them was called Bush.

DOWNBEAT:

DeGeneres dethrones Oprah as Americaâ€s favorite talk show host

Gay woman vs. Black woman. Americaâ€s republicans must have shot themselves.

Hillary Clinton would love to be Americaâ€s next top model

With all due respect, your husbandâ€s already cheated on you. So this is hardly going to help….

Eklavya out of Oscarâ€s race

ChUk De India!

Britany Spears wants to convert to Islam

The only thing funnier than this headline is TOIâ€s absolute insistence that converting to Islam is a mentally deranged thing to do….

Australia has outlawed uranium sales to India because Delhi has not signed the nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty (NPT)

Yeah! First you call one of them a ‘monkey†and then you expect them to play nice….