Features

(Pass)ion: The Existential Quandary of a DU Student

I started with college a year back and because our batch never got the chance to study on the campus and interact with teachers without a screen between us, I have been asked enough times about my passion and while answering, at that exact moment, it would strike me, “what a facade my life has been!”.

I had premonitions about this epiphany but recently I have been searching for fancy ways to say that I lack passion, on most days, in most things and this is probably one of those ways to communicate my helplessness to not being able to be consumed by anything.

I’ve skipped my dance classes often, giving excuses of busy school schedules and stomach aches, exams and homework. For all the reasons, I loved dancing but I could never be passionate enough to practise daily. If passion needs consistency, my emotions feel like a bubble in the fresh foam of oceans. It feels like Abhimanyu from Mahabharat; I would always have enough to navigate into the Chakravyuh but my passion would be exhausted midway. 

It is extremely difficult to navigate through the college where everybody seems to have something special about them. the kind of excitement they have while telling their aspirations about that thing is beyond my comprehension. Although, I wished I could share that excitement with them; I never could.

But in this one year of online classes, a line that has changed the way I look at these aspects of my life is “it is okay to replace passion with sustainability”; even when I lost passion, every relation, emotion and commitment that sustained in my life had marinated in my presence. The great things in life have their own pace, some of them are so surreal and gradual that their cognisance is close to impossible to be felt. Now I think, if elixir came to humans, it would flow like a brook, not in a grand or agile manner, more with calm, subtle fervour, flowing in meanders, sustaining a lot more than what meets the eye.

If the universe actually functions on passion, things would never have had a way to come to you. Things you lost or things you thought never belonged to you have a way to land in your lives at the exact moment you want them. The Earth had decided to comfort me with petrichor, precisely after I soaked myself that one day coming back from school. Sometimes a song would present itself to me amidst switching playlists and make colours a little brighter for some days, at least until some close friend tells me about how she made me listen to it one fine evening. 

Maybe I end up loving that particular song because as much as I fail to recounter my passion for objects and moments, my brain has a penchant for marinated love.

Read Also: Questioning Mental Health – The Flawed Society

Image Credits: Pinterest

Sandhini Goyal

[email protected]

Author

Sandhini is an English Literature student who enjoys reading tragedies and going for long walks when she is not procrastinating.