Ever since the pandemic began everyone had their own tryst with their destinies. This piece is a letter from one side of the soul to the other. The side which has lost hope and thinks that ending themselves is the only viable option to get away from all the pain, and the other side of the soul thinks that they still can overcome it. Both of them belong to the same body, both are drained, but one has hope and the second needs one.
I hope you are doing well, I know doing well is the hardest thing to do nowadays, as everyone is just doing, is it well or not, that no one has an answer for. Life hasn’t stopped ever since the world decided to stop, I mean your will is still having a shaking ground to live. Even in a raging pandemic, we decided to have a productivity competition, a competition of pouring out results in front of the computer screen, pouring out results everywhere we go. But at what cost?
I know when you were surrounded by people you had a place to escape the stress. You must be missing your weekly rants about assignments and hourly lust over your school/college crush with your friends, but now that you were forced to make friends online, I know you have shelved yourself even more. It’s a process, don’t worry you will overcome it.
Being an adult, or being an adult in quarantine must have putten a lot of pressure on you to achieving new might so that you can flaunt it. I mean you do feel like a potato when one of your classmates, who attends all the classes, takes part in socs and manage an internship side-by-side. But this isn’t a competition my dear, you haven’t been met them, maybe their conditions back home are different than yours. You can’t compare a fish to an elephant, can you?
I know there would have been many occasions when you felt like just pick up the old rusty knife, and let it kiss your vein again, but my dear, do you seriously want to go down that lane? Have you forgotten how hard you had fought just to climb up the ladder of self-being? Maybe this phenomenon of self-harm was new to you during the pandemic, but my dear, you had heard and saw people around you fighting their evils within themselves. You were their strength someday my child, and now if you will choose that path, wouldn’t those also lose the strength of life again? Do you want that to happen?
I know getting out of bed, and then open the laptop, just to attend the classes from the same side of the bed again isn’t the “DU LIFE” you dreamt of. You wanted to achieve your extracurricular and academic spikes, but my dear it’s okay to relax, it’s okay to have a retrospective period. Maybe your family, which is the only actual human interaction you have right now don’t get want you are going through, but that doesn’t mean that your low feelings are not valid.
My dear, cry out loud if you feel that blocking pain in your throat, dance on Daler Mehndi’s songs if anxiety is raging up on your body, scream at the top of your roof if you feel you just had enough of the online college experiences, but don’t bottle up your feelings. They say that mental health catastrophes might be the pandemic we need to face, but if you are facing that catastrophe now, my dear help yourself out or ask out for help.
I am no one to guide you on how to “professionally” overcome your random thoughts, nor can that random Instagram influencer do that, but I can sympathise with you and your feelings, as maybe those feelings are in me as well, maybe I also want to cry when I feel the pain in my throat, but just like you I don’t know how to express it. So my dear fighter, fight hard and fight long, as your fight is my source of inspiration.
The other side of the soul which still has hope that you will overcome this
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