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Sex Amma: Amma’s Notes on Gay Sex – From Top to Bottom

Dear Amma, I have and continue to identify as straight but have been questioning my sexuality lately. I am specifically attracted to boys who cross-dress. But I have also had previous sexual encounters with women. So, does that make me gay? I also don’t clearly know what a top or a bottom is (both terms I have come across on – erm – Grindr.) Can you please help me make sense of gay sex?

Hi! I will be more than glad to acquaint you with the joys of gay sex, my macchli. Back in the ‘80s, your Amma was also known to have kissed a girl and liked it (and it wasn’t just a case of performative bisexuality like Miss Katy Perry). First of all, my dear Idli, I want to say I’m really glad that you are comfortable enough to question your sexuality. If your Amma’s learned anything from running a sex column all her life, it is that – Armie Hammer’s cannibalism aside – human sexuality is a weird and wonderful thing.

After all, you aren’t the first one of my little vadas to be so confused! Here is my advice – don’t bother yourself with labels. While they are useful in some contexts, they will mostly restrict your expressions of sexuality. You are but a little dosa, still growing up. If there’s a proper label for you out there, it will find you in due time. Also, here’s a piece of delicious advice on the side: feel free to abandon the ‘straight’ label. It will free you. After all, in Amma’s household, we don’t judge. 

Coming to the second part of your question, my dear macchli, here is what a top or a bottom is. In homosexual intercourse, a top is someone who performs traditionally masculine roles, and is often the one to perform the act of penetrative sex. A bottom, on the other hand, is the other piece of the puzzle, my munchkin.

There are also versatile actors who like to switch it up as they please. But going deeper, a person’s role in gay sex can be further defined by their level of passivity or dominance. Note that a top does not necessarily have to be dominant… just how a bottom doesn’t have to be submissive. So there’s that, my macchli! Hope you’re taking notes.  

Lastly, about gay sex? Well, just like heterosexual intercourse, not everybody is the same. One person may enjoy getting their balls sucked, the next person might hate it. What you have to do is listen to people’s voice and – of course – their bodies. A moan or a grimace can tell you a lot, munchkin.  When it comes down to it, gay sex is just like straight sex… that’s to say, mutual enjoyment, consent and respect are top priorities.

Pleasure is subjective and can come from any direction. Also, contrary to heteronormative opinion, anal sex is not all gay sex is set up to be! Oral and mutual masturbation can also be great. You might want to look out for the two Ps of Gay Sex – prostate and penis! There you go, my vada. That should help you. Do write to me again if you need any further assistance with your future – ahem – dick appointments. Your amma is always here! 

Love,

Sex Amma

Write to me your sex-related queries at [email protected] and Amma will sort them for you!

Read also: https://dubeat.com/2020/03/sex-amma-busting-top-sex-myths/

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