As #JusticeforChutki trended on twitter, how does one move on when someone we admire walks out on us?
In the serene atmos of rural India, there is a kingdom called Dholakpur. Inhabited by simple people, the kingdom prospers due to its honest and diligent citizens. Bheem, lovingly called as Chhota Bheem, is a nine – year old boy, whose bravery, strength and intelligence often saves the kingdom and its people from different perils. His friends Chutki, Raju and Jaggu and his favourite laddoos are his pillars of support. All is fine and peaceful until choices are made and hearts are broken.
Chhota Bheem is one of the most popular animated television series. Many children grow up jamming to its title track and enjoying the simple adventures of Bheem and his friends. Due to relatable characters and situations, the show has garnered millions of viewers across the subcontinent. Although problematic for numerous stereotypes that the show promotes, its popularity extends to a vast array of products and awareness campaigns as well. But last month, the show and its characters came into the limelight for a very quirky reason. #JusticeforChutki started trending on desi twitter as it was rumoured that Bheem was getting hitched to Rajkumari Indumati, the princess of Dholakpur rather than Chutki who is not only a dear friend to him but also his laddoo supplier and apparently, at many instances, given him signs that she likes her. The revolutionaries of our time, memers, too took upon themselves to bring Bheem to justice, who was labelled as a gold digger and a player. The outrage was so much that the makers had to step in and assure that the rumours are false and urged netizens to not harm the innocence of the show and its characters.
However, what allegedly happened with Chutki happens with many of us – investing time, energy and emotions in a person only to be passed over for someone else. It is not that only our romantic partners or interests ditch us, often friends too can cast us aside. Relationships are the single most important thing in our lives and getting broken up with or being abandoned sucks – it’s painful, breaks our heart and feels unjust. Our social interactions and relationships demand a lot from our selves – devoting time and emotions, developing interests and connections. So when it is jilted, self – doubt creeps in. “Maybe I said something that annoyed her, is it the way I look or walk, I should have bought the red one for him, I should stop taking such long showers” – all kinds of mysteries and conspiracy theories cloud our mind and it seems that there is no sun anywhere to drive those clouds away. In this anguish, people often do stupid things searching for closure, as the same instincts we rely on lead us down the wrong path. Afterwards, no matter what reason the other person gives – idiotic, selfish or reasonable, they are either still discontented or more hurt. Heartbreak, very similar to physical pain in perception, also leads to an inability to focus, fear of trusting people in the future, and even depression. However difficult to come to terms with the reality that the person we adored dearly a while ago has forsaken us for someone else; life does not stop there. Following are some tips on how to cope with
- Embrace change as the only constant
‘Change is the only constant in our lives.’ All of us grow and change – in small or big ways. As much as we wish to hold on to something, there is no forever. Some people grow in a way that they feel the need to surround themselves with new people who share their newfound identity. Oftentimes, this is when someone ditches someone else. Embrace the impermanence of life and understand that people come and go and sometimes we have no choice but to move on and embrace the new.
- Feel the pain
To get over the heartbreak, it is important to feel it. At first, awkwardness and disgust towards the other person consume us. But this cannot continue as it hurts us and slows our growth more than anything. Avoiding the issue allows little change. So, get in there, keep breathing, focus on your feelings and tolerate some exposure to the feelings until you start to feel okay and consequently, make peace with the new normal.
- Do not idealize the person
In the process of coping up, we might spend hours remembering their smile, how they made us feel and how being with them made our hearts flutter. But the worst thing you can do to yourself is idealizing the one who broke your heart. No relationship, no person is perfect. Do not indulge in thoughts and behaviors that give them a starring role in the next chapter of your life, when they do not even deserve to be an extra.
- Identify yourself
Every human has an innate need to feel like they matter and somebody has their back. But the problem arises when life doesn’t turn out the way you imagined. Getting ditched stirs our insecurities and impacts self – esteem, which leads to blaming ourselves for everything. “Perhaps I deserve to be mistreated, I am unlovable or maybe uninteresting“– one picks one’s personal poison. In this situation, refuse to beat yourself up and focus on yourself. Spell out what you really need; specifically what you need to flourish as human. Know your value as a person, and honor your self-worth. Maintain your dignity by not trying to force someone to be in your life who doesn’t want to be. Eventually, the person you deserve will come along and you won’t have to prove your worth because he or she will recognize it.
- Seek support
You don’t have to go through this ordeal alone. Reach out to friends and family. If that doesn’t suffice, do not be afraid to seek the help of a therapist.
- Take time to heal
Heartbreak is a master manipulator. The ease with which it gets our mind to do the absolute opposite of what we need in order to recover is remarkable. As you wonder for reasons, remember that there is no explanation that’s going to feel satisfying. No rationale can take away the pain you feel. So don’t search for one and don’t wait for one. Just accept the one you were offered or make up one yourself and then put the question to rest. Then, let time work its magic while being willing to let go. Allow yourself to grieve and then, when you’re ready, consider the possibility of entering a new relationship. Never allow the bitterness to erase your faith in love and camaraderie.
Ralph Waldo Emerson said “Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.” No one emerges from their life unscathed. People turn their backs on each other, break-ups happen, relationships fail. And when they fail, it hurts because you start as a happy, vibrant person, things go perfectly and you are passed over, you’re sad. You’re disappointed and confused. It is awful. We’ve all been there even though no one likes being there. But life, thankfully, happens on a continuum.
Our relationships build us, define us, and sustain us. Whenever someone abandons you, remember they made a choice; a choice that will either prick you or break you. Nevertheless, get up, brush that pain away, hug yourself and gaze at the life ahead you, filled with people who will respect and love you, your quirkiness, your flaws and your laddoos, no matter what.
Feature Image Credits: Hindustan Times