Delhi University, College and Stream change, all together form a trio of newness which intimidates many recently passed 12thies, shifted to an unaware field of future studies. Me being no exception to it passed my first semester decoding the norms and ways governing a humanities subject, alien to my uptill CBSE scientific mind.
Passing the two most crucial years of school with physics, chemistry, biology and biotechnology, my brain mastered the basics of carbon, human body and work-energy but, lacked knowledge about the world of Karl Marx, Robert Owen and Sigmund Freud.
I took admission in Maitreyi College as a literature student. The classes seemed to be exciting with discussions about femininity and the disguised toxicity in aspects which are cited to be associated with divinity. Every lecture, every class surprised me and disclosed the depth of the world not existent in laboratories but the one which surrounded me on daily basis. The localized aspects of the general were getting revealed to me. However, there was a sense of abandonment which engulfed me in my initial days. The transition from being the ‘knows it all’ in my science classes to ‘still learning’ in my now English classes was not that much of a positive feeling which filled my mind.
I struggled with adapting the transformation in the methods of study. From practicing as many conceptual questions as possible to reading as many papers and books as accessible wasn’t something I liked. Seeing girls relate and draw parallels with philosophies, stranger to my knowledge, I very frequently felt a feeling of unbelongingness. Talking to the classmates who have shifted streams too I realised I wasn’t the only one but, their well thought plannings governing the change and the hate for their former disciplines of study made them perhaps fall a step lower than me on the ladder of self doubt. I remember studying for my first semester examinations and crying continuously for a stretch of seven days. No, not because I studied at the last moment but because I felt even after effort, things weren’t getting in my head the way they should.
The thought of making a wrong decision made me feel miserable at myself. But, then time passed and the unavailability of good jobs in the scientific field made me rethink upon the consideration of my choice being wrong. Talking to people I decided to read and research more. Slowly and gradually things got better and I started loving my new subjects of study. The ‘knows it all’ started coming back. It was difficult but only because it required me to step out of my comfort zone which I created in the past two years. I fell in love with Kandasami’s portrayal of the doubly disadvantaged Dalit women or the complexity which exists in between the simplistic lines of RK Narayan. I missed my lab work, I still do, but it got replaced with something equally fascinating.
Featured Image Credits: Contai Polytechnic