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The trope of the gay bestfriend is a painful reminder of the constant alienation of the queer community, especially on days like Valentine’s Day when queer baiting temporarily peaks. Read on for a personal piece on the same.

Valentine’s Day sucks. Not because I am single and perpetually heartbroken. But because I am gay. But then as per normative standards of viewing gayness I am not visibly queer enough for most folks. I don’t colour my hair or sport multiple piercings and there are no rainbow motifs around my social media handles (although not going to deny the presence of veiled hints for those wishing to look really hard). My wrist isn’t limp (you have childhood trauma to thank for that) and my clothes are more indie than unicorn dazzle. And hence the presence of women around me becomes a point of deep intrigue for those viewing me from afar.

Valentine’s Day sucks because being the gay best friend is tiring. We live in a world where the comfort of intimacy is only supposed to be sought in engaging in intercourse with a stranger you met on an app you downloaded two hours ago because you were drunk on your fifth shot at a friend’s housewarming party. Any sort of intimacy, specially of a physical nature, must be relegated to the realm of sexual because people in today’s world have simply forgotten the peace that is to be had in the romance of friendship.

Valentine’s Day sucks because a girl hanging out with a girl in a park is a sight for people to turn around and stare and engage in conjecture. See how they are leaning in pretending to talk? Whispers that follow you to the corner of cafes where over cups of hazelnut latte one can hear admonishing comments on grazing fingers and hands that seek to touch and put the arms as an expression of joy and happiness. There is no respite to be found in the conclusion that friendships are a romance of their own kind. To love someone so deeply and completely so as to forsake the expectations of any physical or carnal fulfilment of that love is to truly be in the presence of a love that is supreme and essentially fulfilling.

Valentine’s Day sucks because cafes across the city offer discounts on love that can be capitalised. It isn’t enough anymore for Yash Raj to earn millions when Rahul promises to love Nisha for the rest of his life while a thousand people cry in the darkness of the cinema theatre. Love must be sold tangible – through discounts and offers inscribed on menu cards and shopping banners. But these aren’t all that comes our way. Extra offers are deliciously reserved if you are queer and can bring with yourself a same-sex lover because your love is just a means to fuel the system that encashes the most fundamental and necessary of all human emotions.

Valentine’s Day sucks because it is painfully lonely to be the one man in your nearby vicinity who is proud enough to be out there – only to become a transit point for the rite of passage sexual awakening of all the queer closeted men around you. Men who use you precisely like a transit point, to never turn back and look upon once the transition is undisturbed and over with.

Valentine’s Day sucks because to be the gay best friend is to beg people to realise that you are more than just a Gucci handbag for people to sling onto their arms and strut around – claiming your space for their wish-fulfiment fantasies. You are more than an accessory to adorn the sorry lives of people, you are more than just the reductive heternormative gaze that breaks and splits you down to your tiniest atoms and you are more than your community which makes you guilty of always just not being enough.

Valentine’s Day sucks because people around you fail to realise that beneath all your pointed laughter and printed linens, very few people understand – looking at the million dazzling Valentine Day adverts – that the difference between alone and lonely shall perhaps always remain lost in translation.

 Anwesh Banerjee

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Isn’t it ironic to see the romantic confessions made within those four walls fall silent in public when all you want to do is scream about how much that person means to you? Seems quite perplexing. Read to find out more.


Since time immemorial, India has existed in a constant state of “Log Kya Kahenge?”. From when we were students in a school to now when we are students in a college, Indian teenagers and young adults have washed their hands off the freedom of individualistic romance in a very paradoxical sense. When we talk about romantic relationships— specifically relationships that exist outside the rigidly set arranged marriage norms— we attract uninvited wrath, not just from our immediate family (who could be believed to be just showing their concern for us), but also from our extended family, the neighbours, and society in general. Ironically enough, in India, the number of people concerned about your life and choices is almost always more than the people you know.

Our generation has constantly been trying to address concerns like sexuality or sex-positivity in our homes and our families when most of them aren’t even able to accept the concept of emotional attachment beyond the platonic. How do we even get ourselves to talk about PDA’s problem (or lack) in India when affection in a very private setting is also shunned?

Society acts as if we live inside a typical Bollywood cinematic experience where we can only subscribe to a single stereotypical character trope. This complexity leads to most young adults in India leading a double life (and no, it isn’t as glamorous as it sounds). One personality is donned when in familial circles, around people who might gossip. Then that same gossip gets delivered right to your home, another which is the true manifestation of your realities and desires and freedom, the one that rarely gets to show itself.

In Indian households you just condition yourself to be okay with dealing with relationship problems or heartbreaks alone because you CAN NOT talk to your parents about it. It’s not only about society’s judgement, but a major part is just the judgement and shame you get from your own family. It just ends up making things so suffocating.” –a first-year student, anonymous (case in point).

This emotional and mental stress an individual has to go through, not because of the relationship itself, but the ensuing lack of acceptance and the shame attached to it, becomes the seed of more significant issues— self-doubt, anxiety, depression (Dr Nair to The Swaddle); but the problem is not limited to this. This rigidity and retrogression trigger an even bigger issue— the direct involvement of society. 

 

Valentine’s Day is seemingly the best opportunity to let your partner hold your hand and walk by your side. Yet, for some, the agenda of that day is far away from the thoughts of adoration. While it is believed that love has no religion and is free of any biases, some states in the country have certainly overruled this belief. For starters, the infamous “Love Jihad” law or the UP (Uttar Pradesh) Vidhi Virudh Dharma Samparivartan Pratishedh Adyadesh 2020 (prohibition of unlawful religious conversion) states that a marriage will be considered null and void if the sheer purpose of that marriage was to change the girl’s religion. Rather than being guided by the thought of protection, this law sows the seeds of injustice. There is no concrete evidence to support this heinous act, but it is merely an act perpetrated by the “Hinduistic” feelings. Under this law, the Lucknow police got the authority not to let Raina Gupta and Mohammad Asif cherish their togetherness even when the families agreed. The Muslim community of the country is already under religious persecution. Yet, not only are they getting harassed under the law, but the interfaith couples who were married long before its enactment are subjected to a questionable amount of harassment. Apart from UP, this law is present in Madhya Pradesh, and Uttarakhand, Haryana, and Karnataka have expressed their intentions to follow the same path.

If this law seems too much to digest, then what would be your thoughts on Hindu far right-wing groups who target couples, especially on Valentine’s day, and resort to violence to teach them a lesson for their “unacceptable” act of love in the public eye? These anti-valentines day groups believe in the “saintly” power that marriage holds, and it is an “offence” to indulge in “love” or “physical relation” before it. If these groups find someone who opposes this mindset, they resort to violence to make it “right.” It has become a tradition for the groups like Bajrang Dal, Sri Ram Sena, Shakti Sena, or Bharat Sena to punish people indulging in acts of love that, according to them, belong behind closed doors. The Hindu Sena had previously issued a notice in Delhi stating that if they caught any couple indulging in obscenity, they would be handed to the police. Meanwhile, the Hyderabad unit of Bajrang Dal, the youth wing of Vishwa Hindu Parishad (VHP) (group formed by Rashtriya Swayamsevak Samiti (RSS), the parent group of Bharatiya Janata Party) gave out the statement that if they found any couple wandering, they will be given a lecture on patriotism.

 

The irony is that people are said to be free yet are expected to act “cowardly.” People become embodiments of coward demons, and when we say the word “demon,” we imagine longhorns, red skin, a trident in their hand; so why have we resorted to such a distorted version of emotions? Why have we chosen to demonise love?

 

Ankita Baidya & Manasvi Kadian

 

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[email protected]

Attachment, fondness, or desire? Let us try looking at love from different perspectives. Let’s attempt to define love. 

Defining Love Graphic Aishwaryaa

 

Graphic Image Credits: Aishwaryaa Kunwar for DU Beat

Graphic Image Caption:  Definition of Love according to dictionaries.

In school years, love was a feeling when nothing else mattered. With no real experience to this point, it was often just an attraction. That one glance from someone you loved, had the capacity to make your day. Looking back at it as an adult, now, you may find it amusing. But you know how it felt back then. Growing up you realize that it can be more than just a feeling. You discover desires and expectations through one or many ‘real’ relationships. You might have mistaken the feeling of falling in love with the action of losing yourself to someone. As we grow old, we start defining the feeling according to our own convenience. We decide when it’s love and when it’s not.

Celebrated as the day of love and expression, Valentine’s Day, for the longest time was only about the cis-gender. It would ostracize different identities, pushing unnecessary gender norms. Of course, not anymore. Couples are now celebrated with more diversity across the spectrum. Female friendships and relationship independence are popularly celebrated as Galantine’s Day. Love is a choice, but alongside all the social emphasis on romantic and sexual relationships, we alienate the space for aromantic and asexual people – who don’t experience any such attraction. While we de-centre heteronormativity from our idea of what love should look like, we consider romance and sex as obligatory.

When it comes to ways that human beings can experience love, we forget the incredible amount of diversity that exists. Individuals who identify themselves as aromantic or asexual do not experience romantic or sexual affinity respectively. This is widely misunderstood, given the lack of media representation, ignorance of people, and invisibility from forums like sex education.

A Delhi University student on the assurance of anonymity, says, “My sister is apparently ‘woke’. She would often talk about being ‘out and proud’. But when I came out to her, I was told that I haven’t found the right person yet and that eventually, I would come around to the idea of sex and romance, of course, irrespective of gender.”

“So, what if I’m aromantic, I still get attracted to people if they look good or we share something in common – music or movies. It is rather platonic, she says.

Talking about platonic love, Priyanshi, a second-year media student, says, “As a third-grader, I remember wishing my teacher a Happy Valentine’s Day and she had scolded me. I thought about what was wrong with that; I just wished someone I loved. Instead, she asked me to not engage in any such nonsense.”

Love can be redefined as admiration towards someone may be because of common interests or emotional connection. People who get along have an understanding between themselves opening ways to the many facets of human experience. Why limit it to just attraction? All relationships and experience are worth celebrating.

Open your minds to accepting and creating new definitions of love. Do not let outdated tropes constrain your understanding of what love looks like.

 

Aishwaryaa Kunwar [email protected]

Third-wheeling is considered an art whereby one learns to be comfortable with oneself in some cases. They call it third-wheeling because you stabilise their terrible relationship.

Third-wheeling is a skill that only a few can expertise in. It comes from the analogy of a tricycle, wherein two wheels are happy at the back; meanwhile, the third wheel is a lone rider just casually hanging out with the couple as an awkward plus one. Moreover, Valentine’s Day is a considerably harder time for all the third wheelers out there. The duo seems to be more involved in each other all of a sudden, and the third-wheels have no choice but to put on a happy face and click pictures for the couple. Being the third wheel teaches you a lot about life as a whole, and you have your couple friends to thank for that.

First, they give you instructions as to how to be in a relationship like a normal, sane human being. They give you real-life demonstrations about the dos and don’ts of a relationship. Second, if you end up doing something insane, you have your two idiots to console you with their own stories. In addition to this, you get to use your diplomatic skills to solve their fights and act as a tie-breaker. Third wheelers offer stability to their pals’ relationships. Also, you get to be a part of their inside jokes, that are hilariously comforting. Essentially, third-wheeling involves walking behind the couple on a sidewalk, and not having to share your food with anyone. People often think that you can’t find a date or you awkwardly cling to the couple because you do not have a choice, but that is not always the case. Worst case scenario, if your friends in relationships make you feel unwanted, confront them and make them feel horrible about it. Make the best out of this situation and make them pay for your food. This is the least they could do for you.

Being the third-wheel, also gives you many golden opportunities to brush up your photography skills. Clicking pictures for the duo is fun and you could always jokingly tell them to pay you for their photos. Being the occasional photobomber does not sound too bad either. Many people claim that third-wheeling is like being the couple’s child, and, they love every minute of it because for them, their so-called mom and dad are their best pals and spending time with them is a privilege. Take advantage of the couple and ask them to set you up with one of their friends. The least they could do for you is be a supportive wing-person. To be honest, the stigma surrounding singularity and the constant need to find a significant other, is a result of society’s excessive focus on marriage as an institution. Being in a relationship sounds wonderful, but it has its downsides too, which seem to go unnoticed. If your friend and their partner invite you to hang out with them, try not to get your awkwardness in the way while getting to know them.

Third-wheeling is an art because you get to offer advice, clean up their mess, learn from them, provide stability to them, and lastly, third-wheels get to become the children and, hijack the romance of couples. Third-wheeling is extremely fun because of the invasion of privacy you get to indulge in. However, if you ever get the feeling that you are not welcomed in a setting that your friend and their partner invited you to, and they are not paying any attention to you, the best option is to escape and grab a cup of coffee. Third-wheeling is a bizarre experience altogether, and especially when you have to be the third-wheel on Valentine’s Day, or otherwise known as the most romantic day of the year. Your friend and their significant other may be considerate about inviting you on their date, but nobody would be happy to be in that position honestly. Tejasvi Mohan, a student of Lady Shri Ram College stated,“Valentine’s Day is overrated and third-wheeling with a couple makes it much more worse, and I hope nobody ends up in that position ever.”

Feature Image Credits: Reddit

Suhani Malhotra

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An unpopular opinion- Kabir Singh was very informative, it taught us some lessons, a few dos and mostly don’ts for this Valentine’s. Note them down, and you are good to go.

1. Do not name your dog after your ex

Do not have the same name for your pet and your ex, if things patch up, it might get awkward and confusing. 

You are lying if you did not want to find out how things would be after Kabir, Preeti and Preeti- the dog got together.

There would be absolute confusion! Imagine Kabir calling Preeti upstairs for some quality time but ends up getting licked by a dog. (PETA approves that love story)

 

2. C O N S E N T

Ask them before you ‘shower your affection’. They might not want to be the ‘lucky’ receivers and you might receive a slap, cuss words, or a flying footwear.

Hey Kabir, remember when you got agitated when that guy harassed Preeti? Well, you are no less! Ask your “kisne touch kia?” (who touched her?) question while looking in the mirror. 

Preeti had poker face on while Kabir kissed her on the cheek. That’s the opposite of romantic

 

 3. Do not stare that creepily, even background music will not help

Do not stare creepily at a person you have feelings for, it will make them uncomfortable and no amount of soothing music can nullify that. And it’s even more uncomfortable if you are the senior and both of you are in a premier ragging institution.

 

 

4. “Meri bandi” (my girl) logic does not exist

 

Slave trade had been abolished long ago, so it might get difficult to acquire ownership over a human. Kabir might not know about it, but that does not mean we did not tell you.

If you like someone, don’t scare her coevals by saying, “she is mine, you can have any other”, that’s not appropriate, because this literally is not a fish market, or even a flea market for that matter.

If you like someone, tell them how you feel about them. Simple.

 

5. Do not force her to be friends with random humans

You do not have to introduce them to the permutation and combination of friendship. So do not force friendship, especially with the “pretty chick- healthy chick” motto, that is absurd.

 

6. Let her study on her own

If they are rank-holders, they can find their way out. Trust us.

Do not take her to secluded areas or draw on their hands (especially if they live in a hostel with water scarcity) it is scary and irritating. 

Especially for all the competitive Monicas- if they end up getting more marks than you, you will only feel bad and not in love.

 

 7. Private space is irrelevant in India

No matter how much you try to explain the concept of Private Space, or introduce the concept of right angles or age phenomenon, India will not understand that easily.

Especially, if the intruders to your private space are your parents, please do get a room.

 

8. Do not slap each other

If one of you raises your voice while talking about a difference in opinion, it is advised to inform your partner about the same, do not slap.

Secondly, if your partner cannot muster courage to tell their parents about your relationship, do not slap.

Thirdly, just do not slap, that is physical violence.

 

If you are a single soul, be thankful, it is better to be alone than in an abusive Kabir’s company. Preeti agrees on this.

Happy Valentine’s!

Feature Image Credits: @deewar_

Priyanshi Banerjee

[email protected]

 

An unpopular opinion- Kabir Singh was very informative, it taught us some lessons, a few dos and mostly don’ts for this Valentine’s. Note them down, and you are good to go. 1. Do not name your dog after your ex Do not have the same name for your pet and your ex, if things patch up, it might get awkward and confusing.  You are lying if you did not want to find out how things would be after Kabir, Preeti and Preeti- the dog got together. There would be absolute confusion! Imagine Kabir calling Preeti upstairs for some quality time but ends up getting licked by a dog. (PETA approves that love story)   2. C O N S E N T Ask them before you ‘shower your affection’. They might not want to be the ‘lucky’ receivers and you might receive a slap, cuss words, or a flying footwear. Hey Kabir, remember when you got agitated when that guy harassed Preeti? Well, you are no less! Ask your “kisne touch kia?” (who touched her?) question while looking in the mirror.  Preeti had poker face on while Kabir kissed her on the cheek. That’s the opposite of romantic    3. Do not stare that creepily, even background music will not help Do not stare creepily at a person you have feelings for, it will make them uncomfortable and no amount of soothing music can nullify that. And it’s even more uncomfortable if you are the senior and both of you are in a premier ragging institution.     4. “Meri bandi” (my girl) logic does not exist   Slave trade had been abolished long ago, so it might get difficult to acquire ownership over a human. Kabir might not know about it, but that does not mean we did not tell you. If you like someone, don’t scare her coevals by saying, “she is mine, you can have any other”, that’s not appropriate, because this literally is not a fish market, or even a flea market for that matter. If you like someone, tell them how you feel about them. Simple.   5. Do not force her to be friends with random humans You do not have to introduce them to the permutation and combination of friendship. So do not force friendship, especially with the “pretty chick- healthy chick” motto, that is absurd.   6. Let her study on her own If they are rank-holders, they can find their way out. Trust us. Do not take her to secluded areas or draw on their hands (especially if they live in a hostel with water scarcity) it is scary and irritating.  Especially for all the competitive Monicas- if they end up getting more marks than you, you will only feel bad and not in love.    7. Private space is irrelevant in India No matter how much you try to explain the concept of Private Space, or introduce the concept of right angles or age phenomenon, India will not understand that easily. Especially, if the intruders to your private space are your parents, please do get a room.   8. Do not slap each other If one of you raises your voice while talking about a difference in opinion, it is advised to inform your partner about the same, do not slap. Secondly, if your partner cannot muster courage to tell their parents about your relationship, do not slap. Thirdly, just do not slap, that is physical violence.   If you are a single soul, be thankful, it is better to be alone than in an abusive Kabir’s company. Preeti agrees on this. Happy Valentine’s! Feature Image Credits: @deewar_ Priyanshi Banerjee [email protected]  ]]>

Everything about Hindu College’s annual V-Tree pooja tradition and the protests against it make for a brilliant case study in politics in action.

“The pooja epitomises politics in action. I find it fascinating”, says Saloni Verma, a third-year English Hons student at Hindu College. She says “I love how the pooja has been smartly evolved. It’s such a brilliant trick to capture the audience”. Without actually supporting the pooja, Saloni points towards a very interesting example of how politics is played out. Everything surrounding the tradition – from its concept and the opposition against it to the claims of competing parties and their mode of operation – is a case study into the functioning of active politics.

Now that the dust around the V-Tree episode has settled down (for now), this case study can be made. The very bone of contention – the tradition of the V-Tree pooja – illustrates how social issues
are often contested between the political right and the left. Analogies can be made with discussions surrounding other traditions which are often labelled ‘oppressive’. Saloni gives
an example of Rakshabandhan being considered by some to be a symbol of sexism and oppression. But such traditions have been modified.

Rakhis that sisters tie on their brothers’, and even sisters and sister-in-laws’ wrists, aren’t rare. About traditions and how the left and the right response to them, Saloni says “They (the left) just say that tradition is bad…Traditions can be misogynistic but the solution the left proposes is that you abandon the tradition which ignores the importance of traditions to people who may not have consumed the same literature as them. What the boys’ hostel did was that they morphed the tradition to make it somewhat acceptable.” She says that while
the decision to have a poster of Virat Kohli and Anushka Sharma as a couple was
“tokenistic”, it was “beautiful politics” as it “moulded tradition according to contemporary relevance”.

IMG_20190214_101537

Often in politics, means become important. When four top judges of the Supreme Court took to the media to address alleged problems of mismanagement within the judiciary last year, many people opposing it asked why was the ‘correct procedure’, that is, dealing with the issues internally, not followed. Perhaps the content of their complaints got overlooked to an extent. In Hindu College, while the clashes of 14 February were at their peak, many people were expressing discontent over the means followed by the protesters, especially regarding the participation of non-Hinduites and the possibility of people getting physically hurt in the process. Perhaps enough attention wasn’t paid to the core of the protesters’ concerns and the discourse leaned more towards the means over the goals. Then again, when we ask whether means can be prioritised over the ends or vice versa, a single correct answer perhaps doesn’t exist.

The analogy I find the most interesting is with regards to how competing sides often claim victories for themselves, despite how things actually turn out. The ‘Aadhaar’ verdict by the Supreme Court was seen as a win by both the government and the opposition, and so was the ‘Rafale’ judgement; so are opinion polls and even election results. Here too, both sides claimed that they won. Those supporting the pooja said that they successfully conducted the “grandest” pooja ever. The protesters claimed that the “mere action of men withdrawing from the public to the private space” and “disruption of the pooja” was a victory. The mutual allegations of threats, intimidation and violence by the other side were also levelled, just like they usually are in larger political activities.

Despite all that, the vital element is this: narratives and counter-narratives will always exist, tensions will inevitably arise and contestations won’t stop, be it in colleges or countries – and that must continue. And when conflicts come about, it will be this active political assertion that will challenge the status quo, for better or worse. This crucially reinforces a belief that the tradition of democratic protests is alive and well. Perhaps not all traditions are meant to be disposed of, after all?

Image credits- Prateek Pankaj for DU Beat
Image captions- The V-Tree episode beautifully represents active political participation

Prateek Pankaj
[email protected]