Latest
DU Beat – Delhi University's Independent Student Newspaper
Tag

Sex Amma

Browsing
Sex Amma

Sex Amma: On Understanding Sexuality

By

Dear Amma,

Over the past couple of years, I have made out with a bunch of guys but I have never really enjoyed the experience. I also know for a fact that I’m not attracted to girls. Does this mean I’m asexual?

Dear Macchi,

I understand your troubles of not enjoying the experience of kissing someone, but that alone is not sufficient to coin yourself as “asexual”. It is perfectly normal to feel this way and it does not amount as an argument to any conclusion. I myself have had my fair share of lousy kisses, but you don’t think I’m at all asexual, do you?

Little idli, very often it is possible that the reason one doesn’t enjoy kissing someone is due to lack of an emotional connect. Kissing, sometimes, may be the onset of a very romantic relationship between two people, which is why without such romance, kissing becomes less enjoyable. This is often seen among demisexuals. You must think about how you feel about these guys emotionally, romantically, and my dear dosa, physically. But remember, my chutney, love doesn’t necessarily involve physical proximity. Many couples share perfectly healthy, romantic relationships without any physical involvement.

Kissing, in Amma‘s opinion, is very subjective to the person you’re with. The guy may be highly attractive and charming and yet be a sloppy kisser, which, my jalebi, can be a huge turn off! You need to figure out how you wish to be kissed.

Asexuality, my chutney, is the lack of sexual attraction towards anyone. It does not, however, indicate a lack of romantic attraction, for instance in the case of a biromantic asexual. There are many elements that make up one’s sexual identity. Asexuality or sexuality isn’t black and white. It’s an entire grey area; there aren’t only 50 Shades of Grey, you know? One may feel closer towards being asexual than most sexual people. They are often called grey-sexual.

So you see, my uttapam, it is not easy, or even necessary, I feel, to box yourself under one identity. You may be a biromantic or demisexual, but at the end of the day, you need to decide how a person makes you feel and just go with your instincts. How we are physically or romantically attracted to someone may be understood over time through experience. Try to step out of the bubble of a single identity and allow your mind to be free. Do what makes you feel right. Even if there is no sexual attraction, there is nothing wrong with it, as I mentioned before. If you don’t enjoy kissing someone, then you don’t kiss that someone. It’s your choice what you decide your sexuality to be. Just respect your attraction or lack thereof. All the best in your future encounters of spilling some hot sambhar, or not spilling it.

 

 

 

 

 

Keep Reading
By
sex amma

Sex Amma: The First Moment

By

I am a 20-year-old guy. I have had some relationships in the past but I haven’t kissed or made out with anyone. Recently I met a girl who is now my girlfriend. I was glad to share the magical moment with her. However, it wasn’t what I expected. Is there something wrong with me, Amma? Please help!”

My dear dosa,
Amma would like to congratulate you for finding a lovely kulfi for yourself. The magic of the first time is highly anticipated by young ones. The idea of manifesting all your fantasies and dreams at once, in the first time itself; that is a surreal expectation per se.
The ‘first time’ is highly romanticised even in pop culture, which Amma does not really approve of. Amma has always advocated the liberty of love, but due to this glamorisation of this beautiful emotion, her macchas and macchis have been put under a tremendous amount of pressure.
First times are mostly clumsy, uncomfortable, and even off-putting. But that is just how you derive your true feelings, my falooda. It is through these ‘first times’ that we become closer friends and better companions.

So love on, my little sugarcane. Do not despair if the first time is not the best, because no matter what it is, you will always remember it as a beautiful memory. But Amma would again emphasise, do not disgrace love by acting on infatuation desperately. Make sure your idli is comfortable with sharing this moment with you, that she understands that you can’t be perfect the first time. Remember what Amma says: consent is the key to a macchi’s heart. Follow your heart, my poli. Amma wishes you the best.
Sex Amma
[email protected]

(Write to Sex Amma at sexamma@ dubeaTt.com to get all your queries about sex answered.)

Keep Reading
By
Sex Amma

Sex Amma: On Dating Younger Men

By

“I am in the final-year of college, and there is a junior (first-year) whom I’ve liked for a while. A few days ago at a party, he also came up to me and said he liked me and we made out. He is very interested and has asked me out on a date, but I have my doubts of being in a relationship with a boy younger than me. What should I do?”

Amma can understand what your troubles are, my little idli. People create this unnecessary stereotype that, in a relationship, the man has to be older and dominant while the girl should always be younger and submissive, which doesn’t make any sense.

I feel that a healthy relationship where both are equals. First, my macchi, you need to ask yourself what your stand is. If you really like this person and want to be with him exclusively, ensure that you have a good physical and emotional connection with him. If your inhibitions are just restricted to societal demands of girls always dating or being with boys older than them, then my dear macchi, have no doubts and go for it. But if, in any way, your inhibitions are regarding your attraction towards this boy, then you should give it another thought.

Amma tells you with a lot of experience that every relationship holds an emotional commitment between two individuals, and you just have to make sure that you are clear with your partner about your interests in the relationship, or else it can create a khatta sambhar in your lives. Once you are clear about what you want, go out on lovely dates, and have a great time, disregarding the age factor in the relationship, and treat him like an equal.

Only then will you both be able to fight the societal norms of an ‘older girl dating younger boy’ stereotype and make this thing work. Amma wishes you all the best, and don’t forget to spend some naughty time to add masala in your life with this new boy of yours!

 

Sex Amma

[email protected]

(Write to sex amma at sexamma@ dubeat.com to get all your queries about sex answered.)

Keep Reading
By
Sex Amma

Sex Amma: Joys of Personal Pleasure

By
Sex Amma's

Dear Amma, I recently discovered the joys of personal pleasure derived from visual aids. I can’t help but wonder if the excitement I get from videos is more than real life experience.

Dear Macchi,

You should not fret too much. The joy derived from personal pleasure is natural for both men and women, so first, let us erase that guilt. Second, the medium through which you enjoy it is something which is more subjective to each his/her own. You should realise that these visual aids are presented in such a manner so as to titillate its viewership, as the visual and mental stimulation are very powerful. It is driven by the absurdity of the situation, ruled by spontaneity and glorified vividness.
A lot of the narration and direction showcased in them is not something we tend to do in routine life (barring our
daydreams). It is that attraction as well as the intense building up of the hormones to the peak, which makes it much more pleasurable than the real-life experiences. My precious dosa, a little piece of advice Amma takes from the ancient scriptures is, “excess of anything in life is bad”. Amma asks for you to strike a balance and to keep your expectations grounded. Excessive indulging in the aforementioned visual aids can prove to be a hindrance to you while you experience pleasure in reality, as they often present sex as a means of control, punishment or domination
over the partner, proving to be very mechanical and sans-emotional intimacy.

Hence, if you are keen to have a good time, make things clear between you and your partner before you begin,
an establishment of what the two of you seek before your dosa-making. Communication is key, but it is not worth the effort if you and your partner are not on the same page with each other.

Sex Amma
[email protected]
(Write to Sex Amma at [email protected] to get all your queries about sex answered.)

Keep Reading
By
sex amma

Sex Amma On Polyamorous Relationships

By

” How do I know whether I can deal with a polyamorous relationship or not?” is a million-dollar question which young and curious munchkins wonder and write to Amma about! Fret not, Amma is here to answer it.

Dear Macchi,
To be polyamorous means to have sexual and romantic relationships with more than one partner at the same time. People who are polyamorous can be heterosexual, lesbian, gay, or bisexual, and relationships between polyamorous people can include combinations of people of different sexual orientations. Oh, the possibilities are endless!

My dear idli, get it out of your head that it’s cheating. If your partner doesn’t wish to include other people in the relationship and isn’t aware that you’re seeing other people, then it is cheating. In polyamory, all the partners are aware of the existence of each other.

Being in a polyamorous relationship doesn’t mean that you can sleep with whomever you want. It is extremely important to have honest and open communication in polyamorous relationships. It is not to be confused with open relationships as well. In open relationships, people seek partners to just have consensual sex with, but in polyamorous relationships, they have romantic relationships with multiple partners too, other than just sex.

Let Amma tell you the many advantages of being in a polyamorous relationships. You can love as many people as you
want to without worrying about breaking someone’s heart. Having multiple partners will reward you with many new sexual experiences which Amma can totally vouch for. However, it has its downsides too. Practicing polyamory is considered a taboo that persists, since polyamory is not socially acceptable yet. If one of your partners is monogamous, there is a high chance that they might feel a tinge of jealousy. Amma herself had a tough time balancing the schedules and needs of different partners. But when she did manage to do it, she had some of the best
sexual experiences of her life.

It depends on you, my munchkin. If you are unsure whether polyamory might suit you, ask yourself whether you would be okay with having romantic relationships with multiple people at the same time. Contemplate whether the polyamorous relationship is meeting your needs of closeness and intimacy.

As you go ahead in your sexual adventures and experiment with different chutneys to have with your idli, don’t forget to keep Amma posted about the same!

Sex Amma
[email protected]
(Write to sex Amma at [email protected] to get all your queries about sex answered)

Keep Reading
By
Sex Amma

Sex Amma: Sex During Periods?

By

‘‘Can I have sex during periods?” is a million-dollar question which young and curious munchkins wonder and write to Amma about! Fret not, Amma is here to answer it.
Period sex can be a bit messy and can make people self-conscious, but it is safe. Just because you’re on your period, doesn’t mean that you have to forego the sweet, sweet pleasures of having consensual sex. Arousal is different for
every woman. However, some idlis might actually love having sex and be more sexually aroused during menstruation. Adding in a little benefit, the period flow can prove to be a natural lubricant during sex.
To all the macchis out there, do not assume that your partner might be grossed out by your period. Be open and honest with your partner. If there are hesitations, talk about the reasons behind the discomfort. My beautiful
coconut, don’t you worry; period sex is nothing to be scared of!

Period sex can help with menstrual cramps. How, you might ask. Orgasms! Orgasms trigger the release of chemicals
called endorphins – feel-good hormones like oxytocin and dopamine. Who knows, this might be the masala you had been dying to add to your sambhar!
My dearest dosa, using protection during sex is always a good idea, no matter what part of your menstrual cycle you’re in. It’s possible for a woman to get pregnant during her period. Don’t give in to the myth of periods acting as birth control. Unprotected sex can lead to pregnancy no matter when you have it.
Another worry about having sex during your period is the risk of spreading a Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI) like HIV or hepatitis. These viruses live in blood, and they can spread through contact with infected menstrual blood.
Using condoms every time you have sex can reduce your risk of spreading or catching an STI.
With all this information in your little nugget head, heat up things in the bedroom to get your chutneys flowing
and enjoy. Don’t forget to tell Amma about your experience of having satisfying period sex!
Sex Amma
[email protected]
(Write to sex amma at [email protected] to get all your queries about sex answered.)

Keep Reading
By
Sex Amma

Sex Amma: My Boyfriend Tastes Me Down There and Gives an Unexpected Reaction

By
Sex Amma's

Dear Amma,
My boyfriend frequently asked me if he could taste me down there. I was apprehensive at first, but few days back
things got heated up and I let him. His reaction was horrible and he said it was too soon. I was torn to bits; I feel horrible about what he said. I have a lot of health problems and he knows about all of them and I feel he should have been a little sensitive towards the situation. Should I stop blaming myself? Please help.
My troubled macchi, yes you should STOP blaming yourself. For any person to open up to another in an intimate situation and to expose themselves for the first time is a sensitive moment. Revealing your inhibitions to someone is a brave task and should be treated with respect and understanding. Amma can empathize with your feelings of being torn after not getting the right response from your partner.
However macchi, Amma has had many encounters with people who do not know the intricacies of dosamaking, and she can say from experience that often the “nice people” can disrespect you in the most unlikely of moments. They might not be aware that they are being insensitive to someone’s feelings and say things out of impulse. Amma can understand that an attempt towards a conversation revolving around the issue at hand can lead to many embarrassing outcomes; but little idli, like Amma takes risks with spices in her chutneys, you need to take a risk here too. You need to communicate with him and soon! Since this matter is troubling your heart greatly and soon will start to affect your relationship, it is imperative that you talk to him and clearly express what you feel.
Dear macchi, if you care about him enough to make this work, then you need to be completely honest with him. Also if, at any time, you feel that it is not worth the effort and you are not getting the respect you deserve, then Amma suggests you walk away before the batter turns bitter. Communication is the key, but it is not worth the effort if you and your partner are not on the same page as each other.

To send in your queries to Sex Amma email us at [email protected]. We respect your confidentiality as much as you do.

Keep Reading
By
sex amma

Sex Amma Talks Role Play

By

Dear Munchkins, having Dosa and Chutney every day might get a bit boring so have a little Pizza today. This is for all you people who are thinking of experimenting with Role Playing. Fret not, Amma is here for you ready with her saucy and spicy advice.

To all my machas and machis, the most important thing is asking for consent. Be vocal about your desires and fantasies. Don’t shy away from telling the chef if you want more seasoning or cheese on your Pizza before, during, or after. The Pizza might seem too hot at first so cut boundaries to comfortably navigate through and once you dig in, it gets more palatable.

My lovely munchkins, to devour the utmost pleasure, do not overdo or overstress. Sometimes, simple prompts work best. Even if it’s one sentence like, “You didn’t do your homework” or “Who’s a bad boy?”, it can be a huge turn on. Talking through your fantasies can also work better than playing them out.

Don’t be afraid to use props. You can also add garlic breadsticks on the side. Avoid using any extremely salty sides in the beginning. If it involves something that is triggering or violent, be careful with the hotplate.

If you like having a lot of Red Chilli on your Pizza, it is always handy to have a glass of Sprite next to you. Decide a safe word with your partner that you can use to stop the role play immediately. It’s okay if you get uncomfortable during it, say the safe word and let your partner know you’d like to take a break or stop.

As a sample menu, these are the different types of Pizzas you could try, “masseuse- customer”,“nurse- doctor”, “patient-doctor”.

Do tell the chef if you liked their dish. Appreciate each other throughout the process because a little validation serves as a great confidence boost. No one knows what they’re doing either but try to enjoy the process and be ready to laugh at yourself.

If the Pizza is delivered before time, it’s not a bad idea to give the delivery boy a tip! And if you don’t enjoy it, you can always leave a bad review on Zomato (by simply letting your partner know).

Always remember, my munchkins, the bill becomes unaffordable if you forget to use contraceptives.

That’s it from Amma for this week! Hope you’re feeling all excited and ready. If you’re looking for ways to initiate it, showing/mentioning this to your partner might work!


 

Keep Reading
By
Sex Amma

Sex Amma: Ways to Spice Up Your Sex-Life

By

Idlis and Uttapams, being with the same partner for a while can lead to a stern silence from down you-know-
where. There may be several reasons in your hectic routines which lead to you requiring Amma’s advice. Don’t worry,
for Amma has some tricks up her pallu to add masala to the sambhar of your life.

It is my foremost belief that you shy away from such conversations with your partners, and Amma would like to inform you that it would not lead to any fruit or, in your case, cream. So, the first advice Amma has for you is that
you should use what the big gal/guy up there gave you, to talk and voice your concerns to each other, respectfully and honestly.

In your conversations, ask them what they would be up for, because having such conversations means that you
both are interested in broadening your horizons. Explore each other and new ventures like toys, role play, or even a
third or fourth partner. Amma strongly stands by the saying, the more the merrier.

Talking dirty during the deed, sending sexy pictures to your partner, and conversing about what you would like to do to each other over texts, when you are away can get your idlis longing for some chutney. This longing can add a whole new flavour to your sex life and help keep things going. Not only is reading books the new sexy, but reading erotica and Kama-sutra together can open you up, literally and figuratively. The erotica will create a tension in the room- the kind that porn visuals essentially leaves no mystery for, and the sex-poses will give my idlis and uttapams some kinky ideas. They also create an element of newness that the somebody-down-there loves a lot. And if you’re not a reader, don’t shy away from the realm of visual pleasure.

Another way is to get out of the bedroom. Amma believes in using the space to lessen the space between partners, and a couch, or a kitchen-top, or even a shower are good places to boast a lot of action.
Sex Amma
[email protected]

(Write to sex amma at [email protected] to get all your queries about sex answered)

Keep Reading
By
Sex Amma

Sex Amma: My Girlfriend is into Group Sex and Insists I do it with her Best Friend

By

Sex Amma answers your questions about hookups and complications with sheer humour and wit.
“Amma, My girlfriend is into group sex and insists I do it with her best friend. I am new to this and find it scary. What stresses me the most is my stamina and failure to perform. Please help!”
Ah, my beloved munchkin! Before you jump into a threesome you need to know what is scaring you. Is it the idea of a threesome, or performance anxiety? If the idea of a threesome makes you uncomfortable, then telling your girlfriend that with honesty is the only option.

However, if your fear of performing well, letting people (and things down) at the wrong time is holding you back, fret not! Your sexual performance depends on attraction and comfort. If you wish to pursue a threesome, get to know the third person involved. Arrange your meeting in a way that involves interaction, familiarity, and an establishment of a certain degree of comfort.
My dearest dosa, couples do set up certain rules before entering threesomes or group sex. Deciding how far you want to take it and if it will be a one-time thing or a regular event, should be discussed in advance. Amma would like to remind that as you involve someone else in your sex life (and in your sheets), their sexual health, inevitably, becomes your sexual health. Disclose and demand disclosure of any history of Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs), and be aware of different forms of birth control and protection from STDs.
Remember, my dearest dosa, the phrase “the more, the merrier,” is apt for your sex life as well. The only rule is to be honest, safe, and respectful. These are the cardinal rules of the holy institution of good sex, and those who respect it are generously rewarded.
Be a good host to the new idli who might be joining your sex life. Good luck and don’t forget to keep Amma updated about how it went!
Sex Amma

[email protected]
(Write to Sex Amma at [email protected] to find answers to your sexual queries).

Keep Reading
By