Latest
DU Beat – Delhi University's Independent Student Newspaper
Tag

dating

Browsing
Arts & Culture

Beyond the ‘Interaction Embargo’: Dating an Introvert

By

One can cross paths with an introvert and might want to cross paths again and again. However, dating an introvert might get a little ambiguous sometimes, and human psychology only makes matters worse. It is time to put on the thinking hat and unravel the mysteries.

1. Initiate with the ‘Hi’

‘Should I text first?’

‘Won’t I sound too desperate?’

‘But I am not desperate’

‘This is going downhill already!’

This is what goes down in an introvert’s head, loosening the wires of brains. Try to initiate the conversation with a humble ‘hi!’ before the overthinking trigger is pulled, and the neurons undergo a rough patch even before the actual rough patch begins. Here is a thing about introverts- the imagination level reaches the epitome of visualisation, for instance, imagining being called a creep for the next thirty eight years for sending that one ‘hi’. Start the conversation, a two lettered ‘hi’ never did any harm.

2. The ‘hard to get’ card will not work

The ‘mixed signals’ have to take the back seat when it comes to dating an introvert. It is strongly advised to not use millennials’ (in)famous ‘hard to get’ card or one would have to get slammed by the reverse card. If an introvert assumes that the other person is not interested, they might immediately initiate the ‘distancing protocol’.

3. Three Es: Express! Express! Express!

A simple ‘I liked the thukpa we had at that place you recommended’ or ‘I really loved the song you suggested yesterday’ might add a little but significant sparkle to your conversation. Vent out all the feelings because introverts often bottle up their emotions. Compliment them if you like the colour of their shirt or their collection of novels. Introverts are not akin to Sherlock when it comes to analysing nonverbal communication. Hence, the only solution is to dissolve interpretation and literally do the talking.

4. Slow and steady wins the race

It takes time to open up. Put in your time, effort and everything possiblt. Do not feel disappointed if it takes time to know about a person. Introverts are fond of their personal space, so wait till all the layers unfold. Nevertheless, once they start opening up, do not force the necessity of sharing whatever goes down that brain. It will take time, and a fast forward would only have counter-effects. A person might feel like Mr. Darcy, and you might want to shut the novel but once you come across the underlying introvert self, you can’t help but fall for it the way Elizabeth did.

5. All silence isn’t awkward silence

An ideal date option would be an intimate space, preferably a place which is serene and quiet. For instance, a walk in Champa Gali would work much better than any club in the capital. Silence does not necessarily have to be deafening or awkward. Sometimes it works the other way round, and with introverts- it is the road less taken, literally and metaphorically. Walk along the lanes and streets and enjoy the silence that surrounds. A bonus point- if one starts feeling comfortable even when silence surrounds both, let them know!

6. The trust fall

Once an introvert turns the unfiltered mode on, it means the trust fall was successful. They finally find a person who can be their human diary. It is important to understand that this step is a giant leap of faith as the fear of being judged or the negative consequences of letting out of emotions is a pestering thought, once the trust trembles, there is no coming back.

Remember when Lara Jean said- “The more people that you let into your life, the more they can just walk right out,” Introverts felt it! Just like the Wallflowers, there are Perks of Dating an Introvert. They are great listeners and with the right proportion of time and space, are the most fascinating souls, and as the millennials say- definitely keepers. And just as the universal law of dating applies, “you know when you know”. Give them some time, the way Rajat waited for Ishita. It needed some time, but the fall was way more serene than a random park story. The wait will be beautiful and worth it. Till then, be a part of the stories they share, enjoy the seconds spent. It happens, one step at a time.

Feature Image Credits: Study Breaks Magazine

Priyanshi Banerjee

[email protected]

Keep Reading
By
Arts & Culture

When Personal is Political: Dating and Dissent

By

This piece aims to highlight how nothing is apolitical anymore; politics with its lasting presence is now even shaping the dating lives of the Indian youth.

In a day and age where the youth has risen up to combat the elements of fascism in the country, and uphold the values of democracy laid down in the Constitution; the personal is political, now more than ever. The integrity of Law and Order as well as the Government is being increasingly questioned; the youth today demands answers from a generation that has led them into the pits of a civilisation. However, one wonders, in these times, how does a 19 year old college student deal with their own partner; supporting something they’re out on the streets against? How does the youth navigate the landscape of relationships, dating, and attraction; in a politically charged climate with barbed opinions and perspectives oft en clashing against their own? The answer to the question rests within the reality we currently are entrapped in.

In today’s time, ideological differences take a backseat over, what is now, your stance on human rights. Triparna Dutta, a student of the University of Calcutta, said, “The stakes are high, blood is being shed. It’s impossible to date someone who doesn’t care about human rights, about dissent and the constitution.” A study by Gregory A. Huber of Yale University and Neil Malhotra of Stanford University showed that political affiliation is fast becoming a factor in how people choose who they date (Having a 3 per cent impact, the same as education), while shared race and religion have far more of an impact. Shared religious beliefs result in a 50 per cent increase in interest, while similar ethnicity is 16.6 per cent more likely to result in a match. Ann Philipose, a Delhi-based therapist, has dealt with a number of couples who increasingly worry that their partner’s values, reflected through political beliefs, don’t align with their own. The digital dating panorama is marked with a young and extremely diverse demographic.

Apps such as Hinge, Bumble, Tinder and OKCupid were only launched in India in the last few years, and given the extreme variations in socio-economic strata, it is hard to collect empirical data. However, Taru Kapoor, India head, Tinder and the Match Group, told The Print that last year, on 6th September, when the Supreme Court read down Section 377 and decriminalised homosexuality, the App saw a huge swipe surge showcasing how impactful political decisions are. In a generation that is gravitating towards the notions of woke culture and political correctness, the political views of their partner becomes a deciding factor in the relationship. Events of the past few months, where dissent and the right to peaceful protests is being challenged across the Country, solidify the notion that a relationship between two people with contrasting politics is hard to get by. One also has to acknowledge the mental toll State-sponsored violence has taken on the people at the forefront of the movement. A student revealed the detrimental effects of brutality by Law and Order harmed their mental health to the extent they had to break up with their partner, because they couldn’t sustain and emotionally invest in a relationship in such troubled times.

Amidst all this, relationships can also be a safe space contributing to a worthwhile aspect of politics and dating, being able to communicate to your partner about the authoritarian elements of the regime, and transform their apolitical stance to one supporting those who are marginalised. And well, if this fairy tale like-incident doesn’t happen, you can break up with them, with Republic Day approaching; break their hearts on 26th January. Let the Constitution seep into your love life, finally.

Image Credits: Jaishree Kumar for DU Beat

Paridhi Puri

[email protected]

Keep Reading
By
Arts & Culture

Your Personal Dating Dictionary

By

Whether single or taken the new age dating lingo is an attraction to all of us. With many of us unaware of these new age terms we feel uncool in our gang of buddies, who discuss about their baes with millennial slang terms. Keeping this in mind we have hereby compiled a list of the uncommon, hip enough dating terms that will make you shine and grab the coolest place in your squad.

1. Nonversation– All the boring mainstream conversations on dating apps beginning from Introducing one another awkwardly and finally ending for a strange proposal for a video call are termed as nonversations. These banters lead to one common destination — nowhere.

2. Orbiting– Having an origin from the linguistic register of space research and astronomy makes this term even more ‘lit’. Just like the planets orbit around the sun the same way an orbiter despite of breaking all the contacts with you keeps hovering and orbiting around your social media. Whether commenting on your recent post or liking the picture you uploaded months back he or she does it all.

3. Layby – Tired of your present relationship? But, yet have not made it clear and are attempting to lay grounds for the girl or guy you want to date next ? This is what makes you a laybyer. Just like a person before leaving a current job gives interviews in new companies the same way a laybyer before breaking up starts investing in his or her future girl or guy. A complete ass isn’t it ?

4. Breadcrumbimg– This involves the category of people who texts and talks enough to make the other person fall for them but never follows through any plans or making any kind of commitments aka the whole loaf of bread. It is synonymous to the usage of ‘time pass’ for people.

5. Sunday night fever– this term is in reference with those young, lonely and single guys or girls who in an attempt to make their weekend interesting every sunday night flirt with dozens of people and propose them for a meet up. Such a pity !

6. Zombie-ing– When a wicked tries to enter your life usually after orbiting for a bit of time it is referred as zombieing. However, unlike actual zombies they even have a mask of humanity owing to which they begin their conversation with a ‘Hey’ followed by a ‘wassup’.

7. Dating down – When a person dates with someone inferior to him/her in terms of general attractiveness or intellect he or she is often said to be dating down. It is synonyms to the ironical usage of the quote ‘Love is blind’.

8. Fizzling – The cunning utilisation of the message technology to display ones lack or loss of interest in someone by responding inappropriately to a potential love message is called fizzling. This technique also saves one from the ugly and guts requiring face to face break up as the partner feeling undesired himself or herself starts maintaining a distance. Indeed a clever approach for a break up !

9. Megadating – This term is used In reference with a true dating pro who at a particular time juggles and has fun with a number of non-exclusive relationships and has a calendar booked with girls or guys.

10. Ghost– The act of abruptly ending all the conversations with someone special without giving any explanation or reasoning is called ghosting. Just like fizzling it’s an artful way of permanent separation from your spouse.

So, the next time your boyfriend or girlfriend messes with you, you know the appropriate word to describe your situation to your buddies. And if you are the sassy single, you can enjoy understanding and listening to the stories of your taken friends in their trendy lingo language.

Featured Image credits – Onlineprofilepros.com

Kriti Gupta

[email protected]

 

Keep Reading
By
Sex Amma

Sex Amma: On Dating Younger Men

By

“I am in the final-year of college, and there is a junior (first-year) whom I’ve liked for a while. A few days ago at a party, he also came up to me and said he liked me and we made out. He is very interested and has asked me out on a date, but I have my doubts of being in a relationship with a boy younger than me. What should I do?”

Amma can understand what your troubles are, my little idli. People create this unnecessary stereotype that, in a relationship, the man has to be older and dominant while the girl should always be younger and submissive, which doesn’t make any sense.

I feel that a healthy relationship where both are equals. First, my macchi, you need to ask yourself what your stand is. If you really like this person and want to be with him exclusively, ensure that you have a good physical and emotional connection with him. If your inhibitions are just restricted to societal demands of girls always dating or being with boys older than them, then my dear macchi, have no doubts and go for it. But if, in any way, your inhibitions are regarding your attraction towards this boy, then you should give it another thought.

Amma tells you with a lot of experience that every relationship holds an emotional commitment between two individuals, and you just have to make sure that you are clear with your partner about your interests in the relationship, or else it can create a khatta sambhar in your lives. Once you are clear about what you want, go out on lovely dates, and have a great time, disregarding the age factor in the relationship, and treat him like an equal.

Only then will you both be able to fight the societal norms of an ‘older girl dating younger boy’ stereotype and make this thing work. Amma wishes you all the best, and don’t forget to spend some naughty time to add masala in your life with this new boy of yours!

 

Sex Amma

[email protected]

(Write to sex amma at sexamma@ dubeat.com to get all your queries about sex answered.)

Keep Reading
By
Humouroscope

Life When You are in an On-Campus Relationship

By

A great man once coined the term ‘on-campus relationship’ to describe sleazy couples, which reside within the capacious four walls of North Campus, University of Delhi, occasionally seen coquettishly enveloping hands at Sudama Tea Point or attending a certain act of worship of a certain tree on that certain occasion mostly dreaded by single people. From having Parathas at Patel Chest to being evasive when you run into each other post a painful breakup, here is a piece of research that people in on-campus relationships would relate to:

1. You have to be careful who you look at: In North Campus, if you think you’d get away with casually flirting with a guy you met while buying Surf Excel at the neighborhood general store, you’re wrong. Because North campus is like a well-knit community of people, chances are that friends of friends of friends of friends would also know that you’re dating a certain someone. For all you know, the boy you were casually philandering with, might be the same person your boyfriend’s roommate’s classmate practices dance with. Conversely, people would be more cautious of making romantic advances on you because they’d know you are dating so-and-so.

2. Frequenting the VC lawns: The Viceregal Lodge, now called ‘VC’s office’, came into existence in 1902 was handed over to the University in 1933. 0.67 seconds post that, the first couple entered the VC lawns that surround the office. These exaggerations apart, the VC lawns, which are known for its ambrosial greenery and prepossessing foliage, are a hit amongst nature-“lovers” and poets alike.

3. Cups of Chai at Sudama: In a parallel universe, if tea stall owners were to be Pop Singers, Sudama Ji would be Lady Gaga. If Sudama Tea Joint earns ‘x’ amount of money from regular ‘single’ students, it earns ‘x²’ from couples who spend lazy evenings sipping cups of chai at the joint. Because on practical terms, on a student budget, spending INR 10 under the beauteous foliage at Sudama’s seems more appealing than spending INR 1000 at Mc. Donald’s.

4. Going to fests together: In a hypothetical situation, if the first college fest of University of Delhi was inaugurated at 10:30 hours on the fated date of 23rd February 1701, we can assume that the first couple held hands in that fest at 10:31 hours on 23rd February in the same century.

5. Avoiding running into each other post break-up: Whether you go out to buy toothpaste in Vijaynagar or to buy Maggi in Kamla Nagar, there would be a constant nagging at the back of your head that screams, “Get out of those sweats! Dress well! You don’t want him to know that you’re not dealing well with the breakup!”. Moreover, things get weird when you see the ex-beau with a new boy/girl. And then things get weirder when you stalk that new person on Instagram and before you realise it, you’re scrolling through her/his aunt’s best friend’s baby-sitter’s graduation pictures.

6. Overlapping friends’ circles: Taylor Swift in her song “We’re never getting back together” had sung, “..you go talk to your friends, talk to my friends.. but we are never ever ever getting back together”. She isn’t called the Queen for nothing, for she could accurately sum up what happens when an ‘on-campus’ couple breaks up. When you’re in such a relationship, you tend to spend so much time with the significant other’s friends that you end up becoming friends, your respective friends end-up dating, and your friend’s circles end up becoming a confusing web of common acquaintances. As a result, when you break-up, the equations in the friend’s circle gets disrupted and WhatsApp groups are formed titled “Sheetal broke up with Sanjay, ab kya kare” (What to do now that Sheetal and Sanjay broke up?).

 

Feature Image Credits: Gewusstwie Lerntherapie

Vaibhavi Sharma Pathak
[email protected]

Keep Reading
By
DUB Speak

To date or not to date?

By

Our generation is called out for many things, but it is mostly looked down upon for being selfish in relationships. Why is it considered so wrong to put your needs ahead of someone else’s?

It is 2018, and no one in our generation knows how to date. What’s more interesting is that they are aware of it and making the conscious decision not to step into a relationship at all. It is 2018, and dating is now only casual. Why is that? We are the products of a generation that gave up most things, including dignity, to sustain a relationship and having seen how exhausting it can be, we choose not to date. We are currently living in an era where we are trying to change the essence of relationships from needing to be selfless and forgiving to giving equal importance to ourselves and our goals first.

How is this a bad thing? Why is this transition from unhealthy relationships to self-love looked down upon? We’re in our 20s, not knowing what the future holds in store for us, not being sure of what we need – is it fair to add a relationship to the list when we don’t even know what we want? Our 20s are the only time we’ll get to experiment, to try new things, and to know ourselves better. Whether you decide to date or not to date in this time and age, you will realise how tender this age is to understand others before you even understand yourself.

Gone are the times when people would choose love over their career; it almost feels like there isn’t even an option of “love” anymore. And that is selfish, but being selfish isn’t wrong here. Thinking about yourself first is a sign of maturity that the previous generations were alien to, and putting your needs before someone else’s is a concept that they don’t understand, but should. Don’t let them make you feel bad about your dating life. We’re doing a favour to the next generation by building a foundation of healthier relationships.

 

Anagha Rakta
[email protected]

Keep Reading
By
DUB Speak

Shudh Desi Romance : A spurt of online dating apps in India

By

Gone are the days when common friends, weddings, family functions and college fests were the only places to find a ‘banda’ or ‘bandi’. With everything going digital these days, ‘Boy Browsing’ and girls willing to be wooed are vouching for the desi ‘match-making apps’.

While parents might be scrounging and ransacking matrimonial sites, young Indians are liking the idea of dating apps, very cunningly worded as ‘modern-match making apps’ in some cases. Homegrown free apps such as Thrill, Woo, DesiCrush, Truly Madly, Singles Around Me, Aisle and more are available on both Android and iOS.

Most of these apps take cue from the mother of all dating apps- ‘Tinder’, which enjoys an explosive popularity in the US. However, much like our food, we Indians like more choices when it comes finding a suitable date, which sadly Tinder fails to fulfil. Recognising the issues with Tinder, Indian developers have created apps that go beyond just profile pictures and casual dating. Efforts have been increasingly put in order to weed out fake profiles and address the skewed gender ratio.

While Tinder is a location-based social discovery application where the user uses a swiping motion to choose between the photos of other users, shudh desi apps like Woo and Thrill are the more date oriented platforms.

Truly Madly, with its catchy advertisement running all over TV and social media off late, follows the motto- ‘Epic love stories need epic beginnings. Not random introductions.’ We asked a few university students about these apps and whether they would mind getting ‘unsingle’ by the online cupid, which gave us some interesting responses.

 

“Indian dating apps as a concept sounds good to have fun and time pass, but I think it may not be that safe a move. It might have proven to be good for some, but one needs to be cautious while taking decisions regarding their life on the basis of such apps even if it is something as common as dating.” – Aakriti Sharma, Kamala Nehru College

 

A student of  Jesus and Mary College shares her experience, ” I was apprehensive at first as many people use Tinder as a means for casual sex. I met my current boyfriend through Tinder and to my surprise, I found some like-minded individuals on the app who approached relationships and sex in very similar ways and if not, respected my decision. With regard to competition with Indian apps, I think the masses are finally ready to accept what was already being done in hushed tones. ‘Boy Browsing’ seems like a much less daunting prospect than casual sex, so perhaps people will gravitate towards that.”

 

Riya Chhibber

[email protected]

Keep Reading
By
QWERTY

Dating Apps: Find Love Using your Smartphone!

By

A long-term relation, dozens of dates, making new friends or just a chat with like minded singles – mobile dating apps can help you succeed! With a myriad of like-minded users available,  it shouldn’t be hard to get what you want!  Here are some apps available on Android and iOS devices for free, to help you in your endeavors!

Krush – The dating app (Android)


Krush is a unique dating app that uses your Facebook account to provide you with lists of viable partners, which are generally your ‘friends of friends’ on Facebook!

By matching your interests, hobbies and preference You will receive a list of 10 suitable users everyday. You  may “Like’ or ‘Skip’ them. If you ‘like’ a user and get a positive response from the other side as well, both of you would be informed about the match. And if you don’t get matched, the other user would never know your identity and will remain a crush! The app gives you complete privacy and your contact details aren’t shared, unless you want them to. Go, find your krush(es)!

Tinder (iOS & Android)

Tinder is a simple app that connects to your Facebook account to access your basic information.
It finds you suitable partners near your locality, from which you can select users by going through their profile pics, choosing the one that meets you eye! If you get a positive response you can then start a private chat and take it further and if not, you atleast showed your interest!. It has a game-like interface which makes it fun to use and can be addictive!

Twine (iOS & Android)

Twine enables users to interact with one another in a safe and non threatening manner. Your user identity is kept completely anonymous. It connects with Facebook and accesses the basic information along with your  interests. Based on your location, you will be suggested users according to the ‘Twine juice’ that you have. You can interact with them on a personal chat  straight away with the profile pics blurred. You may reveal your name and pic later using the ‘Reveal Now’ button. It also showcases some unique features such as ICE – Intelligent Conversation Enhancer that allows one to initiate the chat using by generating questions!

So if you are having trouble finding a date in a traditional manner why not use your smartphone?

Go ahead and use these apps to enhance your love life!

Happy Dating!  <3<3

Sidhant Malhotra
[email protected]

Keep Reading
By