Dear Amma, my friends have been hooking up with people they met on Tinder. I am a virgin to the hook-up culture, but I want to try it. I am just scared of falling in love with someone who just wants to be “friends with benefits” with me.
People often confuse sex with love and mostly the former is the consequence of the latter – but when love is a consequence of sex, then there might be a problem for the people involved. If two people start with “friends with benefits” or “just a hook-up”, and love gets in between, then it is a rocky road that almost always leads nowhere.
The rules of modern dating
Tinder is complicated and so is modern dating. We all hate it but we are sadly a part of it – we don’t stop swiping until we find someone to be with for a couple of months and feel good about ourselves. It is never easy to find what you are specifically looking for on Tinder and sometimes people tell you that they want “more than just a hook-up but not a relationship” and sometimes people will tell you that they aren’t looking for anything serious. When it is a matter of the latter, ask yourself if you want the same thing and if you’d want the same thing one month (or six months) from now and go with it. If it is a case of the former, think about what it means – it means all the benefits of a relationship without getting or giving any commitment. There are almost equal pros and cons on both sides and make sure you go with what appeals to you more.
To feel or not to feel?
Well, it is never too late for anything! Be honest and the best option always is to tell the other person involved about how you feel to avoid miscommunications, uncertainty and heartbreaks. Even if you do fall in love, never shy away from expressing what you want and if it isn’t reciprocated, it is better to move on instead of waiting for something to happen. Remember, being friends with benefits only works when both of you are on the same page and the trick is to be open and honest about what both of you want from your “arrangement”.
Lastly, make sure you’re doing this because you want to and not just because your friends say it is “cool”. Stay protected and don’t forget to enjoy yourself!
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