Q. Dear Amma, my boyfriend has this annoying habit of using his cellphone while we are in the middle of it. I mean, when I am busy at the “job”, he would pull out his phone, check his Facebook, WhatsApp (puts his status about how pleased he is right now; however flattering that is, it’s kinda embarrassing too) and even begin to take selfies and put them in his SnapChat story. I ask him to not do that, but he just doesn’t listen and this really puts me off. Please help!
A. Now Amma knows how addicted you young machhis are to your cellphones, but this is quite new to hear and a little weird, to be honest! Amma has had lovers who loved to brag about my amazing gifts at the art of pleasure-giving, but that was after the deed was done, not during it! You over-steamed-over-enthusiastic-idlies these days! Aiiyyoo!
Still, Amma believes in making the best out of everything! Here’s what you can do to make him pay attention to you rather than his social life, while he totally blows (heheh) his private life. Get kinky. No better reason to get your real freak on. Tie his hands and even blindfold him when you’re down at business. This will make his phone inaccessible and let him feel the waves of absolute pleasure, without any other distractions.
For more pointers, read Fifty Shades of Grey (only the sex scenes, because, hello we all know it’s not for the very engaging plot that they’re making a movie out of it). Get a whip too, if his hand strays anywhere from you, hit him. That’s how we get things done, Amma style!