Published on July 4th, 2010 | by DU Beat0
Q: So I have my best friend’s birthday party coming up and you know, I’m the
kind who’d never wear a dress because it’s so “pink” and “girly”. But this time
something inside me wants to feel, errr, “pink and girly”. So I’ve bought this
dress and it’s got a deep neck. My friends told me it’s fine and the boys won’t
even stare at me. But you know, it’s deep for me. The larger problem is that I
have zits on my chest and I desperately need to get rid of them. It’s next week!
A: Oh so the tom boy finds a suitable extreme away from the uncomfortable
middle space. Let me tell you, I’ve seen girls, who never got out of their ill
fitted jeans and loose sweatshirts, look absolutely stunning in dresses and guys
don’t stare, but ogle at them. So please be inspired and carry that little piece
of clothing very confidently. For the zits, you can use the same spot treatment
you use on your face. But my prior research stated this. I went through bundles
of dust laden books in the library(not), to get you the most viable acne-busting
So you need to crush two Aspirin tablets and mix it with water and honey to make a paste. So you need to apply it on the spots and leave it on for 10 minutes before you wash it off. Aspirin has something called a “acetylsalicylic acid” to dry out pimples and. And if nothing else works, just conceal it with an oil-free powder or concealer. Life is not so tough and complicated so don’t make it sound like that.
Am I inspired to wear my black prom dress? Next issue will witness amma in a hot black dress and the drab pink sari will be a token to the garbage collector. No, I’m kidding. You guys just need a reason to get excited. Go Conceal!
Q: I’ve been dating only for about 2 months and I think the time to, “lift my heel off the floor” and “bat my eyelashes endlessly” is coming closer. So I’ve been using excessive amounts of mouthwash everyday and brushing uncountably, but it’s not helping. Is it in my genes? Is bad breath in my genes!? No, it can’t be. It’s too absurd to make it sound like a hereditary problem. What do I do differently?
A: This question is so highly rated that one day my fans will “de-fan” me and follow this. Reason enough for you to believe that you’re not the only one? So now that we’re done convincing you against your solitude, let me put forth the practical solution. YOU NEED TO FLOSS GIRL! Yes, it’s as loud as the font. YOU NEED TO FLOSS, EVERYDAY. This one wasn’t any sober. Flossing is a crucial step and many people conveniently forget about it. Even if you brush and swish with mouthwash, left-over plague still lingers between your teeth. It loves hanging out with you. So hit it hard with a gentle floss and tell it to get lost. Erm, more politely, if you can.
Please remember, the only way to dislodge bad-breath bacteria is with FLOSS.